Up the Wrong Lane:
An Essex girl is driving down the A13 when her mobile phone rings.It's her boyfriend warning
her, "Treacle - I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13 -
Please be careful!". "It's not just one car!", replies the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!".
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car,both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they cruised along they came up to a crossroads.The light was red but they just carried on.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I swear we just went through a red light".
Soon they came to another crossroads and the light was red again,and again they carried on.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the traffic light had been red.
She was now nervous and decided to pay close attention to the road and the next set of lights.
At the next crossroads,sure enough,the light was definitely red and they went right on through.
She finally reacted, "Mildred! We just ran three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
A patrol officer pulled over Enid for speeding. Enid was a 75 year old lady.
The officer asked to see her driver's licence. "Don't
have one",snapped Enid.
please see the Vehicle registration" the officer asked firmly but politely. "Nope",said Enid.
"In that case I will have to take you down to the Police station and charge you when we get there".
arrived the officer said to the duty sergeant: "This lady has no licence and no registration".
"Sure I do"
said Enid sweetly."This officer has got it in for me, next thing he'll be saying I was speeding".
A traffic cop pulled
alongside a speeding car on the motorway.
Glancing into the car, he was
astounded to see that the elderly lady who was driving,
Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the cop wound down his window,
turned on his
loudspeaker and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO,' the old lady yelled back, 'IT'S
A Polish immigrant applied for a driving
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters.
On the bottom
row was: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'
"Can you read these letters?"
the optician asked.
the Pole replied - "I know the guy..."
[Web Editor's note: Weston Favell School of Motoring isn't anti-Polish;
good results with many lovely Polish ladies,see 'Testimonials
' for proof]
Many years ago Terry Wogan, said he was visiting friends on holiday in Ireland.
conversation with the taxi driver, he commented that it was a long drive.
The taxi driver replied:"Sure, but if it wasn't as long it wouldn't
reach the house"..
[Ditto, as we're skating on thin ice here...Lots of Irish ladies (& guys) welcome...]
[As I said, skating on thin ice here..]
Paul saw an advert for a Driving School that claimed it could teach
anyone to drive in ten minutes.
He phoned the school and asked, "How can
you possibly teach anyone to drive in only ten minutes?"
The Driving School
receptionist replied, "Of course, it's a crash course..."
Theresa: "Doctor, I get so nervous during driving tests, is there
anything you can give me?"
Doctor: "Just try not to worry about it. I'm sure you'll pass eventually".
Theresa: "But I'm the examiner..."
[Nothing against people called Theresa, so here's a joke about Theresa May...]
Clarkson: "May and Hammond?", "Really?", "We'll all end up thick and lost..."
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door.
A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Defynnog.
"Don't know",the woman said. He got back in his car to drive off.Then he heard voices.
He looked in his rearview and saw the woman and an equally old man waving him back.
So he made a U- turn and drove up to them. "This is my husband", the old woman said.
"He doesn't know how to get to Defynnog either".
A bloke leaves his car in a car park,and when he returns the rear bumper is smashed in.
He finds a note under the wiper,which reads: "I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it. They think I'm leaving my details here. Well,I'm not".